


(Still) Loving You

by myblueworld



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myblueworld/pseuds/myblueworld
Summary: It's all started with a shopping trip. Which then continued by faking a relationship.  And unexpectedly followed by a confession.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate Universe. David and James are co-workers.

 

* * *

 

“What about this one, then?” James asks.

David turns his neck to look at James. His colleague at work is holding a bright shiny kettle.

“Aleks can use it to make tea,” James says, with a delight in his eyes.

“Ummm… I don’t think that Aleks drinks a lot of tea, actually,” David comments carefully. The delightful look in James’ green eyes instantly turns into a confused one.

“What? How come people don’t drink tea? What kind of people that don’t drink tea?”

David shrugs his shoulder. “People that don’t originally come from England? And Aleks is Serbian. I'm not really sure that tea is as popular as it is in England there…”

James sighs, and puts the kettle back on the shelf where he found it.

“What about this one?” David lifts up a small desktop clock, that looks quite fancy.  There are some small creases between James’ brows as he studies the clock.

“Aleks already has a clock on his desk.”

“But this one looks nicer than what he has now.”

“So?” James shrugs his shoulder. “It still functions, and the main thing about something is whether it functions properly or not. Like how a kettle can properly be used to prepare a decent cup of tea.”

David holds himself from groaning. He never thought that getting their boss a Christmas gift can be frustrating. He and James have been looking around in this department store for a little more than an hour now. If only James hasn't been his closest friend in the office since he moves to this branch office in Barcelona, he might not be this patient.

“Why can’t we just give him a card?” David almost whines. His feet starts hurting him and the thought of dinner makes him just want to get done with this gift thing.

"He’s been so nice to us lately. We both get the promotion this year.” James answers him, while inspecting a tea set. “Are you sure he doesn’t drink tea?” he asks absently.

David doesn’t really hear the question anyway. He is looking around, and his eyes fall on a guy, a little far from where they are standing. Two guys, actually. But only one of them that David recognize. He will always recognize the guy anywhere. Even in a sea of people, he will always, always recognize him.

The guys are in front of a bed, and it looks like they are checking the bedding and talking about it. Then as if he has some kind of sixth sense or something, that guy with the dark hair turns his neck, and looks at the direction where David is standing.

David gasps. Even from the distance he can see how the guy looks a bit startled. His heart beats even faster now when the guy pats the shoulder of his companion and starts walking towards him.

“What do you think, David?”

David turns his head to look at James, who is now holding a tea pot.

Suddenly, a plan strikes his mind.

“James, can you do me a favor?”

James’ eyes widened a little at David, but he nods. “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

David starts panicking as he steals a glance to the guy that is coming towards them. _He is just a few meters away now._

David takes two small steps so now he is standing closer to James. Much closer.

“Whatever I’m doing, just trust me and don’t ask me any question,” David says, this time with a lower voice.

“Huh?” James is about to ask for an explanation, but he doesn’t have the chance to. Because a guy with dark hair, a bit taller than David is now standing in front of them. There is a wide smile painted on his face.

“David! How are you?”

David tries his best to smile. As if seeing this man again after so long didn’t affect him at all. As if he already forgot how this man in front him is the one who broke his heart once.

Once. Just once. And David would never, ever, let it happen again.

“I’m good, Villa. Really good. How are you?”

To his own surprise, his voice is steadier than what he expects.

Villa runs a hand on the back of his neck.

 _He’s nervous_. To know that Villa is nervous gives a little pang of sadness inside David. Even after so long, David still remembers that gesture and what it means.

“I’m…pretty good.”

There is something that looks like a longing look in Villa’s eyes. Maybe. But for now, David stubbornly tells himself that it’s just his imagination.

“I thought you were…in Valencia?”

David nods. He glances quickly at James. The man stays quiet next to David, but there is curiosity on his face as his eyes dart from David to Villa.

“I was. But then the central office sent me to the branch here in Barcelona last year, so here I am.”

Villa’s brows shoot up.

“Really? Why didn’t you…”

“By the way,” David cuts Villa’s words. Because he knows what the question will be. And he doesn’t want to answer it. “I want you to meet someone.”

He grabs James’ left hand, and holds it. He turns his head to look at James, and mouths the word _please_ before he continues.

“James, this is Villa.” He fixes his eyes right at Villa’s. He smiles, praying that the smile looks confident enough.

“Villa, this is James. My new boyfriend.”

He can hear James gasps, as his hand that David is holding gets tense. David squeezes James’ hand, hoping that Villa doesn’t notice any suspicious expression on James.

But Villa looks too stunned to hear what he just said.

“Your… _boyfriend_?”

Villa’s voice sounds a little bit shaky. And somehow, there is a weird feeling of victorious starts swelling inside David.

“Yes,” David nods. He nudges James’ shoulder a little as he turns to James. Gratefully, James seems to understand what David wants him to do. His expression now is a normal one, with a small polite smile.

“Honey, this is Villa,  he was a friend of mine when I was here before.”

His left hand is still intertwining with David’s, James stretches out his right hand to Villa for a handshake.

“Hello, Villa. Pleased to meet you.”

Villa takes James’ hand for a quick handshake, before looking back at David.

“I… I didn’t expect you…”

Whatever it was that Villa wanted to say, he doesn’t have a chance to finish it, as another guy shows up from behind him.

“Villa? These are your friends?”

A guy with dark curly hair is now standing near them. His bright green eyes smile along with his lips as he nods at them. “Hi, I am Juan.”

David gives the guy a quick look over.

 _So, this is the new one_ , he says to himself. He hates to admit it, but this Juan guy, well, he does look quite attractive.

David curls up a smile again as he nods back at the Juan.

“Hello Juan, I’m Silva, and this is my boyfriend, James.” He says as he gives another quick glance at James. James waves a little with his free hand.

David smiles at James. He’s glad that James is here, and even more, he’s just so thankful that James is willing to help him like this. David makes a mental note to buy something nice for him. Maybe that kettle that James shows him before.

“Hey, Silva?” Juan’s voice makes David looks back at him. Juan is staring at him with a strange look in his eyes, like he is trying to remember something.

“Have we met before? Why do I feel like your face looks so familiar…”

David blinks. “Really? Well, I used to live here in Barcelona back then. So… maybe?” He says, not really sure that they have met before.

Suddenly David feels James squeezing his hand. He turns to face James, but the English guy is staring at something. David follows James’ gaze, looking at the direction where he is looking at.

A tall guy with blond hair is walking towards them with wide steps. There is a huge grin on his face as he waves and calls out.

“James! Wow! What a surprise to meet you here!”

David blinks again, and gives a side-glance at James. James is smiling, a little too wide for James that he knows. But somehow, his eyes are not really smiling. And his grips on David’s hand is tighter than before.

David tries to process all the things that are happening, but the blond guy is already in front of him and gives James a quick hug. David doesn’t fail to notice how James doesn’t return the gesture.

“James! What are you doing here?” he says as he pulls away from James and takes a step back.

The blond guy doesn’t give James the time to answer as he looks around the other people around him. “And who are these people? Wow, you really make a lot of friends here. What an improvement!”

James clears his throat. “Hi Joe. Pleased to meet you here.”

The tall guy looks around, still grinning. “Hello all.”

Suddenly, he seems to finally spot how James is holding David’s hand. The grin turns into an amused smile.

“Well well well… And who is this, James?” he gestures with his chin at David.

James clears his throat again.

“Joe, this is David, my boyfriend.”

David gasps a little, while James continues.

“David this is Joe, he is…”

Before James finishes his sentence, Joe already offers his hand for a handshake.

“Well, hello new boyfriend. I am Joe, James’ ex boyfriend.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David thinks that maybe he's gone too far with what he has started. But heck, he has nothing to lose anyway, right?

* * *

 

The universe has such a wicked sense of humor. That’s the thought that crosses David’s mind as he stares at Joe, absently shaking his hand. David thinks that if this was all a scene in a soap opera, this must be the part where the camera does the zoom-in zoom-out thing while tbe characters are widening their eyes in an exaggeration.

Joe chuckles as he pulls his hand away from the handshake. Folding his arms across his chest, the tall guy gives David a look over.

“So, what’s your name once again? David?” he asks, rubbing his chin a little.

“I thought your name is Silva?” Juan sounds a bit confused.

“Yeah,” David turns his head to Juan. “But you see, me and Villa, since we have the same first name, we often go by our last name. Sorry for the confusion.”

Juan’s lips form a silent O, while Joe doesn’t seem to be interested with the issue with the name.

“Ah, David. You don’t really look like James’ type. But I have to say you’re quite hot for a tiny person like you.”

David can feel his ears burning as Joe winks at him.

“I’m still be around in Barcelona for another 2 weeks. So when you, predictably, get bored by James, maybe we can hang out?”

Well, the universe might have a wicked sense of humor. But Joe, this guy in front of him, he has a _terrible_ sense of humor. Because even though now he is grinning stupidly, what he just said is **_not_** funny at all. David thinks of how nervous he was the first time he came to this branch office, and how James has been so patiently helped him. He remembers how James has been one of the most hardworking people David has ever known, without ever bragging about that.

James _does not_ deserve that kind of insult. Not when David is still alive and can do something about it. And oh, he _will_ do something about it.

So David straightens his back, and pulls his hand away from James’ just so he can put it around James’ waist. He smiles. He knows that he can have that kind of smug smile, and he knows that this is just a perfect time to use it.

“Well,I'm sorry, Joe. But I don’t think I am interested.” David can feel the way James’ body gets tense. He flashes a quick glance at James, and continues. “And why would you say I will get bored by James? You might think that James is a boring person, but he’s not boring at all between the sheets.”

Yes, David can hear the gasps coming from James. But right now, he’s totally focusing on how Joe’s expression turns into something that looks like a mix of surprise, disbelief, and confusion. Feeling the victory bubbling inside him, David can’t stop himself from grinning.

“Oh? You don’t know about the things that James can do?” David turns his head to look at James. James’ skin looks paler than usual, and there is a weird expression on his face. David almost feels sorry and starts to think that maybe he’s gone too far. But heck, this whole thing has become a train wreck anyway. “So, you only do those things to me, honey? Oh, I am so very flattered!”

David ends it by kissing James’ cheek and lets his lips stay there for a little while. James makes some sort of noise, like he’s trying to give an answer but can’t let the words come out right from his mouth. David turns to face Joe again. The guy is now looking almost angry, his face is now a darker shade than before.

He snorts. “Oh, so two years have really changed you now, huh James?”

That is the last things that he says before he abruptly turns around, and stomps his way away from the lots.

David watches Joe’s back, not realizing that he has a small victorious smile on his lips, until he hears Juan clears his throat.

“Well,” Juan rubs his palm together, and smiles awkwardly. “That was quite…an interesting encounter.”

He looks at Villa. “Villa, I think I’ll take that blue and white ones like you suggested me. So, I’ll pay for that one and…”

“Yeah.. yeah.. I’ll see you near the register…” Villa says absently. He waves his hand dismissively, while he still has his eyes on David.

Juan nods at David and James. “Nice meeting you all.”

Suddenly his eyes widened, like he just remembers about something. “Oh! Now I remember why you look familiar! You are…”

As quickly as the realization, Juan’s voice falters as his eyes dart nervously from David, to Villa, and then to James. David’s brows raise in confusion. But he doesn’t have the chance to ask any question, as Juan already waves at them, and walks away.

“So,” Villa’s calling his name makes David looks at him again. “How's life with you? Are you happy now, David?”

There is something that makes the question sounds so bitter, but David has known Villa too well to see the sincerity in Villa’s eyes.

David opens his lips, wants to say yes. Wants to say to Villa that yes, he is happy even without him. That he’s moving on now and everything is going great with his life, he barely remembers how was his life before when they were still together. But then he thinks about how the memories about them have made him at the edge of refusing the promotion that means he has to transfer to this city. He thinks about how less than 15 minutes ago, he forgot how to breathe just because seeing Villa from far away. So David closes his lips again.

The feeling of James’ hand sneaks in over his back makes David blinks.

“Don’t worry. I’ll try to make him as happy as he can be.” James’ voice cancels the silence that was about to stretch. David quickly looks at James. James has his eyes fixed on Villa, and his calm voice is steady as he adds. “I always try my best to make him happy, or I’ll die trying to.”

James sound so sure, so honest, David almost forgets that it’s all a desperate game that he started. But David is not completely acting when he smiles at James. “Thank you, honey.”

James returns his smile, and leans to kiss David’s temple. Maybe it’s just David’s imagination. But James’ lips linger against his skin for a little bit too long.

"Anything for you, honey." he says softly.

“Well…” Villa looks at them. His lips are curling up into a smile, but the hollowness in his eyes betray the smile. “I am happy if you are happy.”

Something stabs inside David. Something that he reluctantly recognizes as guilt. David tries to smile. “Thank you. I hope you’re happy too. You two look good together.”

To his surprise, Villa looks startled. “Me? Together? With whom?”

Bemused, David stares at Villa. “Juan? Aren’t you two…?”

Villa quickly shakes his head. “Me and Juan? No no no! We’re just friends. He’s my colleague at work. We are here because he wants to buy something for his girlfriend who just moved in to his flat and he said he needs a second opinion.”

David’s lips parted in shock. He is still staring at Villa, who is staring back at him with that sad smile.

“There hasn’t been anyone since you left, David.”  Villa says. Villa’s voice is low, but it’s the only thing that David can hear.

Villa lets out a long sigh. He shakes his head, and hides his hand in his pocket. “Anyway, yeah. Nice seeing you here. And I am happy to see that you’re doing well. I really am.”

David still can’t find any words to say, so he just nods.

Villa tilts his head a little to the left. “So, I’ll see you around then.”

Villa makes a 180-degree on his heels. He takes a step, but then he stops.

“You know, when Juan said you look familiar?” he says, turning around again. “It’s because I still have our picture together on my desk at the office.”

Villa’s sad smile feels like a kick on David’s chest. He watches as Villa turn around, and starts walking away.

James’ squeezes his shoulder, jolting David back to reality.

“You want to go home now?” James asks carefully.

“Yeah.” David says. He rubs his face with both hands Taking a deep breath, he lets it out in a long sigh. “Yeah. Let’s go home.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Villa still remembers how he had been such an idiot. How he had been so stupid to let David go.

Villa doesn’t know what he wants.  He’s kind of glad that Juan doesn’t ask him any question (at least, yet). He hasn’t even started any conversation yet since they left the department store. Villa doesn’t feel like talking. But at the same time, Villa wishes Juan had talked. About anything. So at least he can focus on what Juan is saying, instead of having all these thoughts. The thoughts that make his chest is filled with guilt and regrets. Or maybe he should have turned on the radio instead. So the silence here is not this heavy. But turning on the radio, it will only remind him of how David used to be the one choosing the radio channel in the car. David who often hums along the song being aired on the radio. And that memory hurts. Memories about David still hurt.

From the corner of his eyes, Villa can see how Juan looks out the window. Like he only cares about the view that he can see from there.

Villa sighs. “If you want to, you can ask.”

Juan’s head quickly turns to look at Villa. “Can I?”

Villa tries to pull the corners of his eyes to form a smile. “I know you want to know.”

“Is it okay with you, though?” Juan asks warily.

Villa flashes a glance at his colleague. He can see how Juan’s eyes are half-curious, half-concerned.

“Yeah. ‘S okay.”

Maybe he needs to let it out anyway. It’s been three years, and ever since David left, he has never really talked about it with anyone. He just gave some vague answers or even chose not to answer the questions that people asked.

“So… Is Silva…?” Juan leaves his question unfinished.

Villa’s chest start to be suffocated with all the regrets and the disappointment he has at himself. Gripping the steering wheel tighter, Villa gives a single nod.

“Yes. Me and David, we were once together.”

Saying it feels bitter on his tongue.

“Oh.” Juan says. He pauses for a while, like he’s trying to find something to say without saying anything wrong.

“You still have your picture together on your desk.” It doesn’t sound like a question. Juan’s voice is not accusing, more like he subtly tries to remind Villa about something.

Villa stretches his lips into a humorless smile. He stares blankly at the street in front of him as he nods. “Yes. Because I still love him.”

It’s true. It’s still so true. And saying it loud like this, only makes Villa realizes how much he _still_ loves David.

“Oh.”

Villa takes another deep breath, and lets it out into a long sigh. It doesn’t work to lessen the weight in his chest, though. He takes the turn that brings them to Juan’s place. For a while, none of the say anything. When Villa pulls out in the parking lot of Juan’s apartment complex, he stops the engine.

“Something happened then, between you?” Juan asks.

Villa folds his arms on the steering wheel, resting his chin on it. He looks out the front window, but his mind wanders to what happened years ago.

“Yeah,” Villa snorts a little. “I was being an idiot. A complete idiot. And then I lost him.”

He was. He was such an idiot. It was such a stupid unnecessary argument. Sometimes he tries to tell himself that it was because he loved David too much. Still, reason will never lead to solution. He still lost David.

 

*******

_“We can work this out, Villa. I know we can. I can. I promise you I’ll try my best to work it out.”_

_“Why can’t you work it out by saying no? You’re smart. You graduated with flying colors and impressive CV from all those interns and stuff. You can easily get another offer!”_

_“Villa, please. This is a very good company. A very established one. And they have a branch office in Barcelona too.”_

_“So why can’t you ask them to place you here in that branch office?”_

_“I haven’t even started working for them. I don’t think asking for things like that is a good idea.”_

_“And you think being apart would be a good idea? Would be a better idea?”_

_“Villa, it’s not going to be forever anyway. Maybe after I have work_ _ed there for some time and show them that I deserve it, then maybe I can ask them to consider moving me back to Barcelona.”_

 _“Maybe, right? Just a_ maybe _? Is that all that you can promise me?”_

_“I’ve told you, I promise you that I will do my best to work this out between us. Don’t you trust me?”_

_“You said that as if it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.”_

_“No, I know it’s not easy. But it doesn’t mean that it’s not impossible! Besides, it’s not like I am moving to another country. It’s only to Valencia.”_

_“Yeah. You’re only going to somewhere 300 kilometers away from me. Leaving me alone here.”_

_“I will also be alone in that city.”_

_“Sure. You will. But it will be easy for you to not be alone there with me not being around you, right?”_

_“Villa. That’s not fair. Why can’t you_ trust _me?”_

 _“I_ thought _I can trust you. But then you’re taking this job that will take you away from me.”_

_“It’s my dream job, Villa!”_

_“And it’s something more important than_ me _?”_

_“…”_

_“Okay. I get it. It is, huh? It_ is _more important than me.”_

_“Villa, it’s not fair.”_

_“What do you mean it’s not fair?”_

_“It’s… You can’t compare our relationship with something that I have been working hard_ _yor years! I have been dreaming about having this kind of job even since before I met you!”_

 _“Ha! So it’s_ true _, then. It is more important than me.”_

_“Villa…”_

_“Fine. You know what? If I can’t have you here, then I don’t think I can have you anywhere. You have to choose, David. It’s either me_ ,  _or that fucking job.”_

_“Villa… Please…”_

_“It’s all or nothing, David. It’s all or nothing.”_

 

*******

Juan doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask any question while Villa talks. Like he is giving Villa the chance to let everything out. And while Villa telling Juan one of the most painful memories from his past, flashes of the memories flood his mind like an old movie. Villa still remembers everything. The look of hurt in David’s eyes. The way his shoulders trembled, his hands rolled into fists beside him. His shaky voice. How that voice changed from pleading into almost screaming and ended with something that sounded so hollow, so hopeless. Villa has been cursing himself for being so angry, while he was actually so scared of losing David. He’s so used of being the one who leads the way. The one who’s being protective to his most precious possession. The thought of having David so far away from him, the thought of how easy it is for David to charm other people without himself realizing it, it’s killing Villa inside. And it exploded into a stupid argument.

Villa lets out a long sigh and pressed his forehead on his arms. He tries to breathe normally, but it’s so hard to do when his lungs feel like they’re full with sands.

For a while, there’s no other sound in the car besides Villa’s heavy breathing. 

“So. I assume… David took the job?”

Villa lifts his head a little and rests his chin on his arms. He stares blankly at the front window.

“He did,” he says. “After that argument, we stopped talking to each other, even though we’re still living together. But we just…didn’t talk. It’s like…living with a shadow. I went back from work late at night, slept on the couch, and left early in the morning. It's like, we were tiptoeing in the house, trying not to let each other feel our presence.”

Villa closes his eyes and shakes his head. “And then, two weeks after that, I went back to our place, just to find a short note on our bed.”

It’s been more than three years. But just remembering that day still rips the wound that hasn’t healed inside Villa.

Villa buries his face on his arms again. He’s been so stupid. He knows he had been unfair to David. He knows he could have done much better, instead of accusing David, blaming him for things that weren’t David’s fault at all. Besides, was it a fault at all? He has spent countless night repeating things that he should have told David in his head. Making up some scenarios where he told David that yes, they could work it out, he would try to work it out. Maybe those words he should have said, things he should have done, they're not going to make David stay next to him. BUt at least can make them still be together now. It’s all mixed up in him now. Guilt. Anger. Regret. Sadness.

Villa lifts up his head again, and turns his neck to look at Juan.  

“Juan…” he asks, voice still a bit shaky from all the emotion. “Do you… do you think he’s happy now?”

Juan stares at Villa. Like he’s thinking whether telling Villa what he thinks is the best thing to do.

“Please, Juan… I..” Villa runs his finger through his hair, and pulls it a little. “I just want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy, Juan. He really deserves to.”

Because David does deserve all the happiness that he can get in this world. David who has that twinkle in his eyes when he smiles, with some crinkles at the corner of his eyes. With his laughter that makes everything a little bit brighter. With the way he looks at Villa, the way he looks _into_ Villa and understands Villa without Villa needs to explain anything.

“You know, as an outsider, as someone who only saw him for like…five or ten minutes?” Juan says, sounding a bit hesitant. He stops, and looks at Villa, like he’s waiting whether he is allowed to continue. Villa nods a little.

“I would not say that he looks sad.” Juan says warily, a slight pause between each word that he says.

“So you think he’s happy?”

“Not looking sad doesn’t mean that someone is necessarily happy.”

Villa smiles slightly. No wonder Juan is one of the best in their marketing Department. He always has some diplomatic answers.

“But…that…” Villa bites his lower lip. Suddenly his throat feels like sand when he thinks about someone with greenish eyes, standing so close, too close to David, their hands intertwined together. He sighs before continues. “That… _guy_ … do you think…he’s…good?”

_Is he good enough for David? Is he someone who deserves David? Is he someone that can make David happy, can make him smile and laugh, and never makes David cry?_

For a second or two, Juan looks a bit unsure. Then he gives a small nod. “He looks like a nice guy.”

Villa closes his eyes again. Feeling the way an icy dagger stabs him from the inside. Thinking how all the doors that can lead him back to David are shut in front of him. He opens his eyes again, and tries his best to curl up his lips into a smile.

“Okay,” he says, voice only a little above a whisper. “Okay.” He says.

The words are so hollow. So empty.

Juan shifts uneasily in his seat. His hand flies to the door handle. He smiles a little awkwardly at Villa. “Thanks for…you know, helping me with that shopping thing.”

“Yeah. No problem,” Villa rubs his face with both hands. He returns Juan’s smile.

“So, I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you…”

Juan turns to open the door, but then he pauses. Like he remembers something. Then he turns his head again to look at Villa.

“You know what, Villa?”

“Hmmm?”

“Whether he is happy or not, it’s something that you should ask him. Not something that you assume by asking other people.”

Villa’s lips parted as he stares back at Juan. He’s still stunned by Juan’s words when Juan continues.

“And I know that you’re happy if you know that he is happy. But…what if you can make him even _happier_?”

Villa’s lips parted a bit wider as Juan words hit him.

In front of him, Juan smiles, and nods at him. “Good night, Villa.”

He gets out the car, and closes the door. Villa watches his back as Juan walks away, as Juan’s words are resounding in his mind.

It’s thirty minutes later when Villa finally drives away from that parking lot.

It’s two hours past midnight when Villa finally falls asleep, after hours laying on his bed thinking of how he can be someone that can make David happier.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what just happened, David thinks he needs a drink. To contemplate some things that happened in the past.

 

“You want to go straight to your place, or you still need to go somewhere else?”

David glances at James and sighs before he answers him.

“Just… back to my place,” he shakes his head a little, trying to clear his mind. “I think I need to drink.”

“Okay,” James says, and starts the car.

David gazes at the view from the window. Flashes of city lights that they’re passing by suddenly feel too bright, and the night feels too dark.

Just when he starts waking up without thinking about Villa anymore. Just when walking down the streets of this city no longer brings back the memories. Just when David can tell himself that yes, he’s already over him.

_Maybe it’s fate_

A small voice starts talking inside David’s head.

_Maybe it’s fate. That one day, you both will cross path again._

David presses his forehead on the window, feeling the cold glass surface against his skin.

_Well, if it is fate, then fate surely has a lot to explain to me._

Another voice, a more bitter one talks back.

_If our fate is to be together, then why would it have to involve heartbreaks and all those pains?_

All of those voices start talking at the same time, it’s getting too overwhelming for David.

Yeah, he surely needs a drink. He’s not usually a heavy drinker, but what just happened to him surely a legit reason for him to have some wine, right?

A red light stops them. David steals a glance at James, holding the steering wheel, his finger tapping on it, like he’s counting how much longer he has to wait until the lamp turns green. Light from the street lamps plays a shadow on his face. But David can still see the calm expression that James always has. Except for about an hour ago.

 _Oh._ Suddenly David realizes, that maybe James is also having his own trouble in his mind.

“Hey, James?”

James turns his neck a little to look at David. As the lamp turns green. He looks back at the road and continues driving.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

It’s a bit dark but David can still see how James raises his eyebrows a little. James sighs, and props his elbows to the door, holding the steer with the other hand.

He gives a single nod. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

He turns to look at David again. There is a faint smile on his lips. “Why do you ask?”

“No. I mean…after…” David stops. He realizes another thing. He barely knows anything about James’ private life. And it’s kind of ridiculous. Because since the first time he came to the office, James has always been one of his closest friends.

David shakes his head awkwardly. “Never mind. Forget it.”

James glances at him again, but says nothing. The faint smile is still there, but this time his eyes are also smiling.

“You know what, James?”

“Hm?” James hums to answer him without taking his eyes off the road.

“I have enough wine for more than one person…”

David doesn’t really know why he offers something like that to James. Maybe because he feels like he owes James something. Maybe because he actually wants to know more about the story behind their encounter with Joe. Or maybe, just because he doesn’t want to be alone. Suddenly the idea of drinking alone doesn’t look so appealing for him.

For a while, James doesn’t answer him. He doesn’t even look at David. David shifts awkwardly in his seat, wondering whether he might have said something wrong.

“Well, thanks David,” James finally answers him. “But first, I don’t drink.”

“Oh? You don’t?”

“No,” James shakes his head. “And second…”

David stares at James curiously. James stays silent for two or three seconds, until another red light stops them.

Stopping the car, James turns his head to look back at David.

“Alcohol won’t fix your problems.”

David feels he should have been offended or something. But instead, he feels more embarrassed. Because indeed, what James said is true. David looks away from him, gazing to the window again.

“No, it’s not,” David says, half-mumbling. “But at least it can make me forget the problems for a while.”

“For a while,” James says. From the corner of his eyes, David can see James nods a little. “And the next day, you’ll wake up remembering that you still have a problem to deal with, along with a hangover. And it doesn’t make it any better.”

David groans a little. “I hate it when you’re right,” he says.

Next to him, James chuckles.

“Tea doesn’t give you a hangover,” James says as the car moves again along the traffic.

David turns his head again and stares at James. There is a small, vague smile on James’ lips.

“Are you suggesting me to have tea?” David asks in disbelief.

James gives him a quick glance. He shrugs his shoulders. “Do you want to?”

“I drink coffee. I don’t have tea in my place,” David says, matter-of-factly.

“I have some in my place,”

David stares at James again, trying to read his expression. But it’s a little too dark in the car. And James doesn’t seem to have anything other than his by-default nonchalant expression on his face.

David takes a deep breath and sighs.

Honestly, he thinks tea is a ridiculously absurd option over wine. But at least if he’s having tea tonight, he doesn’t have to have it alone.

“Oh well, you better have something to eat with the tea,” David says, resting his back on the seat.

This time the smile on James’ lips is wide enough.

“I’ll take a U-turn there, then,” he says.

 

*******

“Sugar?”

James turns to look at David from the counter. Two cups of tea are in front of him, a faint mist of vapor coming out from them.

“Yes, just one sugar, please,” David nods from the kitchen island where he’s sitting.

“Okay,” James nods.

David watches as James puts sugar into one of the cups. He’s been sitting there, watching how James moves around in his kitchen. He does everything so methodically, but at the same time, looking so comfortable. David looks around the sparkling clean kitchen, where everything has their own place. Even the cloth hanging on the oven’s handle is hung symmetrically. David can see the yellow plates in the drying rack by the sink. He doesn’t fail to notice how the color of those plates fits nicely along with the shades of the kitchen wall.

James walks to the kitchen island with the cups. He gives one of it to David.

“Thanks,” David says, and hold the cup with both hands. The cup feels warm on his palm. David brings the cup closer to his face, sniffing the smell. He can’t remember the last time he had a cup of tea, it’s almost surprised him to realize that the smell can be calming.

“C’mon,” James gestures a little with his head. “We can sit in the living room.”

David smiles at James and slides down from the stool. “Whatever you say, you’re the boss here.”

James laughs lightly as David grins at him.

Still holding the cup with both hands, David follows James to the living room. Mimicking James, he sits on the couch.

David takes a sip of the tea. The reddish brown liquid is still hot, it almost burns his tongue.

It’s good, actually. Or maybe it’s good just because David hasn’t drunk tea for a long time.

“How’s that? You like it?” James asks him.

David nods as he looks at James. He can see the smile on James’ lips. And somehow, there is something different in that smile. Something that David has never seen before. His smile looks more lighthearted, more carefree.

“Yeah, it’s nice.”

The corners of James’ lips tugged up a little higher. “Good.”

James takes the remote, and turns the TV on. David sits quietly, watching James flicking on the channels. He finally settles on a channel that is showing a classical music concert. David smiles unconsciously. It’s not really surprising for him that it’s something that James enjoy. But still, it’s nice. Knowing a little thing that reveals another of many layers that James seems to have. For a couple of minutes, the music coming out from the TV is the only sound that fills the air. David watches the TV, but every now and then, he steals a glance at James. At the other corner of the couch, James looks like he’s really enjoying his tea and the music.

Finally, David sighs.

“So,” he says, and put his cup on the coffee table. He looks down, and absently runs his fingers on the rim of his cup. “You’re not going to ask me anything about what happened?”

Feeling his ears are burning, David is too embarrassed to look at James.

“Well,” James says as he lowers down the TV volume a little. “Do you want to talk about it, though?”

David chews his lips, thinking.

“Will it make you feel better if you talk about it?” James asks again.

This time, David turns his head to look at James. He is looking at David with his greenish eyes. There is nothing particular in his expression. But there is a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

David shrugs his shoulder. “I’ve never talked about this before. To anyone.”

Because he used to think that to talk about it would only make him feel worse. He used to think that not talking about it would make it easier to forget everything. To move on.

“Will it be a good time now to start talking about it?”

There is a hint of a vague smile on James’  lips as he said that.

David stares back at him. And then it hits him. He _trusts_ James. He’s never really thought about it before. But now he just realized that James is someone that he would trust his life on. There is just something about James that makes him look so reliable. Like he will always catch you when you fall, even before you know that you’re falling.

David stretches his lips to flash a thin smile at James. He looks away from James.

“Villa and I used to be together.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When both David and James are talking about the past.

 

James says nothing. David turns to look at him again, and finds James is still staring at him, with a knowing look in his eyes.

“We met in university. We went to different majors, though. I was in my first year when he’s already in his third.”

“So it’s been quite a while,” James says.

David nods, slightly smiling. “Yeah. It’s been quite a long time ago.”

But it still feels like yesterday, when he saw Villa across the room in the first student’s board meeting that he attended. That was the first time David saw Villa. And it also became the time when David just knew that there would never be anyone else that he found to be more gorgeous than Villa. He came at the second meeting not just because he was interested in the board’s program. But also to have another chance to see Villa again. He was happy enough to come into the room, and saw that Villa was already there. But he felt like all the stars were aligned when he took a seat, and Villa who was already sitting next to another senior stood up, walked towards him and sat next to him. He couldn’t remember exactly how did they start talking other than feeling like a thousand butterflies were flapping their wings inside him. But he would never forget the bliss he had when he went out from that meeting knowing that Villa now had his number, and he would meet David in a coffee shop later that evening.

“How was it? When you were still together?”

David takes his cup, and sips the tea from it before answering.

“It was nice, really. We were happy together,” David pauses to look at James. “Well, Villa could be quite...a little bit too protective sometimes. He could get jealous every now and then for stupid reasons.”

“I see,” James nods, keeping his eyes on David’s, like he’s listening intently.

“He got better when we started living together though, a year after he graduated. And we were really happy. I thought there would be nothing better than being together with him.”

David stops. He puts the cup back and stares at it blankly.

“Until it happened,” he says with a lower voice.

“What happened?” James asks him softly.

David sighs. He intertwines the fingers of his hands together and stares at them.

“So, we’ve been living together for about a year when I graduated,” David says. Something stings a little in his chest. Like a dull pain on an old scar.

“I got this job offer from our office,” David says. “But they said they wanted me to start in the central office in Valencia.”

He closes his eyes as flashes of their argument creeping back into his head. The memories that he has been keeping in a dusty corner of his mine.

“I’ve told Villa that we could work it out, that I would try to work things out, even when we’re far.”

“What did he say about that?”

David smiles bitterly as he shakes his head. “Let’s just say that he didn’t think that taking the job is the best thing to do.”

“But you think it was,” James says. His voice doesn’t carry any accusation at all. More like he’s taking a logical conclusion.

David brushes his hair away from his eyes as he looks at James. “I think one of the main reasons for my decision, was because I didn’t feel like he trust me.”

“And you think trust is an important thing in a relationship.”

“Exactly,” David nods. “He didn’t even offer any solution. What he gave to me was only an ultimatum; the job, or him.”

David chews his lower lip. “It’s like… he didn’t even care about what I want. At all.”

James tilts his head a little, but keeps his eyes on David. “Or maybe, he was scared. Of losing you.”

David closes his eyes and shakes his head. He opens his eyes and sighs before resting his back on the couch.

“That’s ridiculous. I’ve told him that we could still make it.”

“I guess, after the comfort of having you so close to him for a while, it made it harder for him to imagine how to live without you being physically close to him.”

David rubs his face with both hands. He lets out a desperate sigh.

“Whatever. Whatever his reason was, it could not lead to any solution.”

He looks back at James, and gives him a small ironic smile.

“Well, I guess you know how the story ended,” he says.

James nods without saying anything.

David stares back at his cup. James stays quiet, as if giving the time for David to calm himself down.

After a few minutes, James asks, “Do you still love him?”

“No, I do-“ David turns his head as he starts answering. But seeing the way James is looking at him, he stops mid-sentence. He sighs, and shakes his head.

“You do. You still love him,” James says. There isn’t any judgmental tone in his calm voice.

David chews his lower lip, but then he shakes his head again.

“I don’t think I…” his voice trails off. He looks away from James.

“If you don’t, you wouldn’t bother to pretend that you’ve moved on.”

The truth in James’ words is bitter, but it’s still the truth anyway. Maybe.

“What should I do then if I do still love him?” David asks, more like talking to the wall in front of him instead of to James.

“Still loving him is one thing. Wanting to be together again with him, that’s another thing.”

David ponders on James’ words quietly for a while. Then he looks at James again.

“Do you think I should try to get back together again?”

James looks straight into his eyes. “If you think being with him again will make you happy, then yes, you should.”

“But what if I am already happy now? After so long, I’ve started to feel alive again on my own.”

The smile on James’ lips is a faint one. But there is that comforting look in his eyes.

“What if being together again will make you even happier?”

David brings the cup to his lips as he stares blankly at the wall. He sips the remaining tea that has gotten cold.

“I still need to think about it…” David says, almost like whispering.

“I think you should. But remember that this is the kind of thing where you also need to _feel_ it.”

For a few minutes, both of them stay quiet.

David sighs, and looks at James. James is looking at the TV screen, but David wonders what actually in his mind.

“How about you?” he asks James, even though he’s not sure whether James will answer his question. “What happened between you and that blond guy?”

“Oh,” James says, keeping his eyes on the TV screen for a while. Then he turns his head to look at David. “You mean Joe?”

David studies James’ face. His expression shows nothing. But his eyes are less brighter than before.

“Uhm,” David shifts awkwardly. “Yeah. Him.”

James tugs up the corner of his lips at David. Still, there’s no light in his eyes.

“It’s been a long time ago,” James says and looks back at the TV.

“Oh?” David hopes that he doesn’t sound too curious. Even though he _does_ want to know.

“Uh huh,” James hums. “And well, as Joe said, he was my boyfriend.”

“Really?”

David doesn’t mean to sound so surprised like that. But to imagine someone so calm and composed like James can be together with someone that looks so obnoxious like Joe.

There is a small stiff smile on James’ face when he glances at David.

“Yes, really,” he says.

David wonders whether asking what was it that makes James have some feelings for Joe would be too far. But James already answers the question that he has in his head.

“I know, it seems weird as we are the complete opposite of each other,” he says. James sighs before he continues. “But as what they say, opposites attract. Just like two different poles of a magnet.”

David nods his head a little.

For a while, James says nothing else. His eyes are still on the screen, but David can see that he’s not really looking at it. And this time, there is something that slightly looks like a sentimental look painted on his face. David watches quietly from where he sits as James takes a deep breath, and lets out a long sigh.

“And maybe, I guess I … could hardly believe that someone like Joe would ever interested in me,” he pauses there and glances again at David. He flashes a humorless smile. “So I guess at that time I was… too flattered. And it made me become irrational with my decisions.”

“What happened then?”

James snorts. “Of course, after a few months, he said I was too boring and he wanted a more exciting life. Which is not a surprise, really.”

“You’re not boring,” David says sincerely.

James chuckles. “Oh, come on, David. We both know that I am.”

David shakes his head, and brushes his hair away from his eyes. “No, I mean it. I like you.”

James stares at him, like he doesn’t believe what David said. Head tilts a bit to the left, he stares at David with something that looks like doubt and curiosity. But then a small smile curls up on his lips.

“Oh, thank you, David. And I guess you like my tea too?”

David laughs lightly. “I would say that the tea is just some kind of a bonus.”

James shakes his head a little, like he’s amused at David. He glances at the clock.

“Well, it’s getting late now. I can give you a ride home.”

Strangely, something lurches down in David’s stomach. He runs his finger on his cup. Suddenly, David wants to stay a little longer. So he can still have someone to talk to. Or just… someone to be with. The thought of being alone in his own apartment suddenly sounds too lonely.

“James?”

Raising an eyebrow, James looks at David. “Hm?”

“Can I have another cup of tea?”

James expression turns into a softer one. He smiles.

“Sure. And you know what, David?”

“Yes?”

“It’s Friday night anyway. You can sleep here if you want to.”

A smile quickly spreads on David’s face. The comforting look in James’ eyes makes something warm swell in his chest.

He nods. “That sounds like something that I would love to do.”


End file.
